BY KAREN TAYLOR, My Best Friend Obedience

When I saw him, it was love at first sight!  We could walk together along the winding paths, just he and I… maybe stop and have a picnic by the stream!  I even hoped he would go to work with me, I’d miss him too much if he didn’t.  I wanted him to go everywhere with me!  He’s sooo cute and what a gentleman, everyone would be envious…

But now that we’re together I can’t help but wonder why on earth I ever thought this would work.  My house is a mess, my yard is a mess, and I can’t keep up with him when we walk together.  His toilet habits are horrible, I’ve even seen him drink from it; sometimes when he kisses me he uses his teeth, and it hurts.  All he wants to do is play rough and chase after everything but me!  He eats (and smells) like a pig and when he’s done he wants mine too….

No, this is not my latest romantic endeavor, I brought home a new dog!

We all have problems when we embark on a new relationship!  Just lay down a few ground rules and it can still be everything you (and I) imagined…

1)             Make sure your new love has his own place, where he can trash anything he wants and you won’t care!

2)             Provide lots of toys, things to destroy and nosh, so he enjoys his solitude and you do too!

3)             Toilet areas should be as far away from the main living area (his and yours) as possible.

4)             Take him to the toilet areas you want him to use, frequently, until he understands where they are.  Encourage him to let you know when he needs to go there!

5)             Give him ample opportunity to exercise and romp with your supervision so he can be informed of behaviors you consider unacceptable, and be encouraged to perform the ones you enjoy!

6)             Make sure he knows all the food and toys in the world belong to you and you alone.  But of course, you are kind enough to let him have his fill!

7)             Have him eat in his own area as well, where his eating and drinking habits won’t sicken you.  It would be nice if you could at least eat nearby, and preferably before him, to let him observe the fine art of manners.

8)             Make sure he knows that if he doesn’t wait for you, and pay attention to you on walks, he will not walk again in the near future!

9)             Don’t let him see what you do in the bathroom …it isn’t productive to a good relationship

10)         Make sure he knows that the toilet is not to drink from.  Remember not to let him in your bathroom, but just in case, don’t put in that blue stuff!

11)         Make sure he knows taking out the garbage is your job, and so is gardening (most would actually appreciate this)… it’s ok if he mows the lawn occasionally though!

12)         Try not to let him get into disgusting things to eat (if you know what I mean)… it will form habits that are hard to brake!

13)         Don’t let him see you clean up anything after him.  He might get used to it and even begin using it to get your attention!

14)         Let him know that its not ok to chase anything but you… except in play… and he must stop that on command too! If he gets too rough just put him in his own area awhile to play with his own toys!

15)         Get him new toys or change them around periodically so he doesn't get bored and start doing things you don’t approve of such as chewing your undies!

16)         When he is being the gentleman you dreamed of, even if it’s not very often, make sure to tell him  how wonderful he is!

17)         Make sure he knows it is inappropriate to jump on your friends…I know he'll say he can't help himself... they all do! Just teach him proper greeting habits and show him how much more attention he can get by being charming!

18)         Make sure he has plenty of his own friends to play with… it will give you some needed free time.  Teach him how to play "nice", so you can help him burn off lots of that endless energy that he always finds when you want to sleep or have a headache!

19)         Don't be too hard on him, remember he's just learning how to live in your world, but that doesn't mean you should lower your standards… if know what I mean?

20)         You are the boss! All of dogdom knows that… and he should too! Obedience is the key to happiness, enroll in courses together to teach him the "WAY"!

I hope these twenty tips will help you forge a wonderful loving relationship with your dog … if I left anything out, call me!

P.S. For all of you guys out there who may not like the innuendo (or if the shoe fits) call us and I'll let Jeff fill you in on the male version of the "twenty rules" (it's even better)!